“I think the world often tries to push us in the directions that seem “right” or “smart.” What I’ve learned in my journey is that you have to lean into what feels good, you have to take risks, and you have to listen to yourself, even when it’s scary.” -Marisa Donnelly

I am sure at some point in your life, you’ve been faced with a decision where you are torn between your mind and your heart.  Choosing one option usually is a lot riskier and the other choice seems to be the safe, more logical answer. The battle begins when you find yourself in conflict with what you know and what you feel. This is something I know so many people in life are constantly battling in their mind and it can be hard to navigate through. We seek out the answers but I feel like we never really get right ones. Each situation is different and should be navigated as such. Maybe you like to be a risk taker, maybe you like to live in your comfort zone, or maybe you like to be a little bit of both.

When do you listen to your mind? When do you listen to your heart? If the answers to these questions were simple, I would not be sitting here writing this post and you probably would not be reading it. When it comes to listening to your mind, chances are, you are going to lean towards the option that poses less risk. In order to justify yourself choosing this option, you will find or make up a million reasons why something won’t work out in the way you are hoping. Most of the time, the people who listen to their mind more than their heart tend to have a difficult time coping with change. I am personally guilty of this myself. When this happens, you will highlight every negative about the particular person or situation. You choose to go with the safer option because you understand that while the riskier option might potentially make you happier, there really is no guarantee that will be the case. You become fearful that you will regret making such an illogical decision if it does not work out. You wonder how other people will feel about it. You will doubt yourself and your ability to cope with taking such a big risk. You will start to question yourself. Am I strong enough to handle this? Am I willing to make sacrifices to get to the end goal? Is this really the right path for me? What happens if I take this risk and I get hurt? There are a million questions you could ask yourself and each one will push you further towards choosing the safer option.

When someone gives you advice when you are conflicted in a decision, how often do they encourage you to pursue the much riskier option? I can almost guarantee that the majority of the time, they will push you in the direction of the safer option. Most of the time, it is because they want to protect you and care for your well-being. It might become frustrating when you are pouring out your soul to someone and they tell you to let it go and move on because it will never work out. You start to get angry because to you, that person just does not understand what you are feeling in that moment. Maybe you want to pursue someone you love but there are many red flags or barriers between the two of you. Maybe you want to quit your job and move to pursue a new lifestyle, maybe you just want to change careers, move away, or leave a relationship. There are so many scenarios I could list here but I just wanted some examples.

Let me ask you this, are you truly happy with your life right now? If you feel like the answer to this question is something along the lines of “well, I am not miserable but I’m not thrilled either” then you might as well simply just say, “no.” You probably feel content. If you have suffered with depression in the past, to be content is better than to be in a dark, depressive state. Life and time are just floating by and you are just going with the flow. You go through the motions. You’re not miserable but you’re not really ecstatic either. You are alive but you are not truly living. You are merely just surviving. While this life might feel alright to you right now, how long are you willing to live this way? Just a few things to think about.

How many times have you reflected on your life and thought: “I am so happy I made this decision primarily with logic and took the safe option”? My guess would be that there are some instances that this might be the case but those instances are probably very few and far between. The same goes for when you make decisions primarily with your heart. You’ve probably experienced a lot of disappointment and broken hearts along the way if you’ve only made decisions primarily by following your heart. When you mainly lean into emotional instinct to make a decision, you automatically run the risk of getting hurt, being disappointed, and you run the risk that it might not work out in the way you thought it would. While I do believe that people should look at things from both a logical and emotional standpoint, occasionally there will be times you have to just follow one or the other. There is a reason we have our mind and our heart to help guide us through life, but sometimes one side has to take over and push you in the direction you are meant to take.

I know you’ve heard the expression: “you need to follow your heart.” Something I reflect on as I’ve gotten older is that while my mind has grown exponentially in wisdom, I tend to forget that my heart has grown too.  I’ve got scars from many heartbreaks, I’ve got wounds that have healed from disappointment, doubt and bouts of depression that have taken over me at points in my life. I’ve felt like being content was the equivalent to being “happy.” To be content is much better than to be empty. As much as I know that my mind will lead me to the most logical, “right” destination, I often tend to forget that my heart will lead me to the destination I feel is best for my soul. I thought letting go of my past regrets and self-disappointment would set me free and it did for a while. That was until I discovered that my self-disappointment and biggest regrets come from a lifetime of repeating the same pattern: choosing the easy, less risky path possible in order to keep my emotions at bay, and because of fear.

So, if you are faced with a decision that leads to a battle between your mind and your heart, you might ask, where do I go from here? First, you have to recognize the things that are pushing you to this conflict within yourself.  Are you missing something in your life that you are unsure of what it is? Why is it that there are 100 reasons for you to let go, but there is something in you that is telling you to take the risk? What is that something and why is it such a strong feeling? Are you second guessing yourself because there is more beneath the surface? Are you insecure? Are you scared? Do you fear that even if you take the risk and pursue something that it still won’t be what you are searching for? If so, I get it, me too. I know I have to learn how to stop my brain sometimes and remind myself: I am going to be hurt either way. I could choose the easy route but could often wonder what could have been if I took that risk. I lived with years of regret and anger within myself for not chasing the things that I once envisioned so clearly and worked so hard for. You could choose to let go of someone you want to pursue which also will be painful, especially if there are feelings already involved.

So, why do we continue to put ourselves in these vulnerable positions either by accident or on purpose? The truth is that most of us are seeking meaning in our lives, something much bigger than ourselves. The missing pieces of our soul can only be discovered by taking risks, feeling the fear, and pursuing it anyway. This applies to self-discovery as well. It’s painful and difficult and the process is not easy in any way. However, the progress I’ve made has been worth every ounce of pain. How many times can we refuse to take chances until we are no longer awarded chances? How long are we willing to wait to truly feel alive instead of just feeling content?  How many times are we going to purposefully disappoint ourselves so that we can be in control of our fate by taking the easy route? Think about it: it’s much easier to purposefully let go of someone that you love, a potential job you may love, and/or a crazy dream you want to pursue rather than facing potential disappointment and heartbreak unpredictably down the road. 

In the pursuit of deciding to follow your head or to follow your heart, the answer is to follow both. When it comes to following your mind, keep a level head, keep your mind open, and keep your focus on how things are affecting your life. When it comes to following your heart, you have to realize that you are going to be taking a risk either way. Do not set yourself up in a position to fail. Be realistic but also, be an idealist, a dreamer, and someone who believes in fate. You deserve to be more than content, you deserve happiness. If you are concerned about what other people will think, keep in mind that it is YOU that has to live your life and not anyone else. Start making decisions for YOU. Once you find someone or something that is able to light the dimly lit flame of your soul fully on fire, chase that feeling. Trust your mind, trust your intuition, and listen to your soul when it speaks to you. Take the risk. Taking risks and doing things that challenge you and make you uncomfortable will make you grow as a person. What do you have to lose? You’ve been trained for these moments. You were fundamentally built to be strong for when things might come crumbling down. All of your past experiences and pain have only made you stronger and all of those disappointments and broken hearts in the future will also do the same. Do not doubt yourself and who you are. You can be a little scared but do not let your fear completely consume you. Trust your soul, and allow it to guide you in the direction that you feel that you belong.