See the World from a New Lens
“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgement, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “You’re not alone.” – Brene Brown
Being an empath is such a blessing, but also it can be such a curse. To feel everything so deeply can really be hard sometimes, especially working in a career that you see a lot of physical and emotional pain. I’ve always been someone who could see both sides of every situation. I can find empathy for pretty much everyone, including the people most might believe do not deserve it. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is such a key component to finding empathy for others. I enjoy finding stuff on Pinterest about being an empath, a highly sensitive person, and someone who feels things so raw, so deep and so intense.
If you have not taken the Myers-Briggs “16 Personalities” test online, I suggest you do so now. Go to 16personalities.com, and take the test. It’s quick, but it is also very insightful about yourself and your lifestyle. I used these results to find many other sources of material including Pinterest boards, online articles, Facebook pages and groups, and reddit threads containing different information. I enjoy reading other people’s perspectives and about their personality traits. It makes me feel so much like there are others in the world that are like me, and I am not limited to only the people in my close surroundings. Social media is such a wonderful place for these types of situations. You can connect with people, near and far, who have experienced some of the same and different things in life as you. This broadens your horizons more than people will ever understand.
I am an INFP-also known as the mediator. INFP stands for introverted, intuition, feeling, perception. An INFP is introverted, and intuitive, meaning that they focus on ideas and concepts rather than facts and details. They are the “feeling” type, meaning that they make decisions based on feelings and values. An INFP is perceiving, meaning they are spontaneous and flexible. They go with the flow, and like to keep their options open. As an INFP, I tend to see the hint of good in even the worse people and situations.
Having empathy for others requires a person to try to see a view from someone else’s eyes. Each and every person have different life experiences, personality traits, and coping mechanisms that they use to get through everyday life and hardships. To see the world from another person’s eyes gives you this sense of compassion and understanding for them. Some people might pick and choose when to have sympathy and empathy for others based on their reasoning. Some people might find it difficult to empathize with others. It is understandable and totally okay for people to empathize and have sympathy for people in certain situations and not have for people in other situations. Some people will never be empathetic, sympathetic or compassionate and that is something that has to be accepted. Empaths cannot change everyone’s mind and we need not waste time trying.
In order to change the world, people need to see things in life from a different lens. If you look at the same photo every single day, at the same time, with the same lighting, how will you see every ounce of beauty it has to offer? How will you discover the imperfections in the photo if you are only looking at it from one point of view? You might see a photo of a young child, sitting on a swing, looking at the ground, with her feet dangling down. She might appear sad, lonely, or even deep in thought. Someone else might see the same photo, and perceive that the child might be day dreaming of the future, thinking about inventing something, or maybe even thinking of ways to change the world. Bottom line, we might all look at the same things, but we all perceive things very different.
Emotional and physical pain are the same, but also very different. Physical pain is something that you might be able to take some Tylenol, a warm Epsom salt bath, and it could go away. Some physical pain is so challenging and debilitating to people that it affects their quality of life. Pain is perceived differently for everyone. Emotional pain is something we might feel very deeply, and it can be something that takes a long time to go away. Alleviating emotional pain can also be different than some physical pain because we cannot always take some pain medications for our problem in order for it to go away. The loss of a loved one, childhood trauma, caring for a sick family member, being a victim of any type of abuse, workplace issues, feeling of inadequacy, and stress are just some examples of where emotional pain can begin. As someone who has lost loved ones in my life, I never undermine those who feel their losses more deeply than I do. Losing a loved one might hurt someone, a broken vehicle that someone worked very hard for might hurt someone, being left out or bullied might hurt someone, being cheated on or broken up with by someone you love might hurt someone, being subject to prejudice actions or racism might hurt someone, and they all might hurt someone a little more or a little less than someone else.
Coping with emotional pain is something people find a struggle in. Yes, there are healthy ways to start to decipher through your emotional pain and work through those issues. I will say, taking the healthy approach to work through emotional pain and trauma takes courage. When you’re in such emotional, deep pain, courage might take a backseat in order to make this pain hurt a little less. Some people might turn to some unhealthy coping mechanisms such as drugs or alcohol, excessive spending, violence, placing blame, self-harm, avoidance, over-eating, and reckless behaviors. A person might be hurting so much, so they start to drink alcohol to help numb the loss of a loved one, so it will hurt just a little less. A person might be stressed, depressed about their grades, anxious that they might not graduate, so they might turn to Adderall to help them get by in their last semester of college. A quick-fix is what people want, and when you’re in deep emotional pain, or highly stressful situations, time is of the essence. I don’t know many people who would sit and have excruciating physical pain and just be patient, and wait for it to go away. They would want to find out what is going on, get some medications or other non-pharmacologic methods to relieve this pain. People do not want to feel pain just for fun. We all try to find something to mask the pain and emotions we are feeling. Everyone has a different method, some constructive, some destructive, but bottom line is we are all searching for relief.
We all feel pain differently, but it is also important to remember that people feel stress differently too. What might stress one person out might be something that does not matter a bit to someone else. What might hurt someone’s feelings might not hurt the feelings of someone else. So many people are just downright rude and mean to those who they think are being whiny or attention seeking when they are talking about their pain and stress. “It’s their own fault, they need to do something about it” is something I hear often in regards to other people’s stress and pain. Yes, it might appear to be their fault that they are physically and psychologically dependent on narcotic medications, or alcohol because everything begins with a choice. A person actively chooses to take that pill, drink that whisky, or inject that heroin. However, when people are not in their right mind, they can make irrational choices that can lead to devastating paths. The feeling of being drunk, or high can mask these emotions a person is feeling, it can take away this pain they are scared to face. Like I said before, we are all searching for a relief. Not all people have the patience to find constructive methods to cope at that time, so they avoid their pain and think, “well this fix is temporary.” A person might know their coping mechanisms are unhealthy, but either try to bargain that what they are doing is not that bad or that it is only going to be a temporary thing. That denial and bargain method can lead to addiction, which can then develop into a disease. Your body is physically and psychologically dependent on something, it is much more than just stopping it all cold-turkey.
Getting clean can be challenging, because it takes more than an active choice to go to rehab or stop the addiction, it takes genuine courage, and strength to face all of this emotional pain, and/or stressors that a person is challenged with. Everyone has a motivator, some are career driven, family driven, or self-driven. A job that someone has worked so hard for might not be enough for them to face their emotional pain by stopping the destructive habits. Their children or family might not be enough of a motivator, yes it is sad but it is the honest truth. The truth is that a person has to have motivation to do almost anything. If you knew that you were going to make a lot of money at a job you really wanted, it would cause you would work harder in college in order to get that reward. If you knew that your actions would help change a person’s life, you would do them. We seek reward, not always physical, but a rewarding feeling after something is completed. The smile and appreciation from an elderly lady, when you paid for her dinner in front of you in line because she was short a few dollars and was getting food for her and her sick husband is an internal, satisfactory reward. We all seek different rewards at the end of hardship. It is imperative to keep an open-mind that not everyone has the same motivators, and that we are all seeking different types of rewards.
I am the type of person who can feel empathy for pretty much everyone, from a drug addict, a criminal, a homeless person, to a demanding, rude lady at the grocery store. I also feel such empathy towards sick patients as a nurse, even when they are rude to me. When that happens, I think, maybe they’re in pain, stressed about being in the hospital, upset because they feel like their independence is slowly fading due to their inability to care for themselves, losing dignity due to their illness, or many other factors. Even as a Caucasian individual, I have this deep empathy for people of a minority, and/or a person of color, when they are faced with prejudice and racism in society. I have not walked a mile in their shoes, who am I to judge their level of emotions and/or pain? Who am I to decide how much a person’s comment hurt them? I am not. They are allowed to feel things as deeply as they desire. Now, sometimes yes, there are people that take it too far but that is another story for another day.
In conclusion, I urge each and every one to be conscious in your life, and with your words. You never know the struggles someone is facing. Someone might appear happy on the outside, but might be deeply struggling internally and afraid to ask for help. Be kind to others, regardless of race, ethnicity, sex/gender, education level, income, lifestyle choices, etc. In order to change the world, we start with kindness. Try to put on a new pair of glasses, see the world from a different perspective. This not only broadens your horizons, but it also will give you a better feel for the emotions that someone might be facing. You might not agree with a person, but be respectful, because maybe they are having a bad day, and could be in need of help even without saying it. Don’t be afraid to disagree with those who are rude and inconsiderate towards others, however it can always be done respectfully. Thank you for reading this long post, I really appreciate your support. Wishing you all a blessed week.
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Photo by Eloi_Omella on Getty Images.
