“Her rebirth was stunning, she lifted herself up from the depths of despair, grasped her dreams, embedded them in her heart, and walked forward into a future that only her will and vision could control.” -Yung Pueblo

Today’s blog is actually going to be somewhat of a compilation of some of the significant things I have learned throughout this year. To be truthful, I have spent quite a bit of time reflecting on all of the self-work that I’ve done this year and for the first time I can confidently say I am beginning to feel proud of myself again. I not only have learned so much about myself and other people, but I have also learned a lot about embracing the journey of life. It’s as if a lot of my perspectives and ideas I once had about life have really changed (for the better) in ways I am beginning to accept. I wanted to take this blog to highlight a few of those things that I’ve learned this year and how I’m working to find peace and balance within my life.

Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen.

Yes, there it is. I said it. This is probably an unpopular opinion and thought but truthfully, it’s something that has changed my life for the better. I get disappointed very easily. I do not usually have that feeling of being “angry” with someone or at a situation, I usually find myself feeling disappointed…and mostly with myself. Sometimes our expectations can cloud our view, which can cause us to miss out on so many great things.

I used to dread the fall season here in Indiana. I am more of a spring and summer person. I love the smell and scenery of the fresh grass, the green leaves that begin to bloom, and the sight of perennial plant bulbs sprout up in the ground. I love the longer days of sunshine. I love warm weather. I used to dread fall simply because I absolutely hate winter. I often wondered, why do people love fall so much? This year, I took the time to actually enjoy the view of the fall season. I noticed the color-changes in the leaves from a dark nature green to yellow, orange and/or red. I watched as the leaves fell to the ground in the breeze.

It was not until I realized that my hatred for winter clouded my view on the fall. I really actually grew to have this appreciation of how beautiful the fall season actually is. My negative expectations for winter caused me to spend my time dreading what is to come rather than embracing what is to be. This small, yet true lesson is very much something I’ve used to reinforce to myself is to appreciate all that life has to offer in this moment. Stop wishing you had something more or better. Stop longing for the things you have lost. Embrace all of the things life has to offer you in this moment right now. 

The envy you have for others is a direct reflection of how you feel negative about yourself.

I’ve been there. I think we all have been there. To be truthful, I lived in a state of envy for many years of my life. I wanted things other people had and of course sometimes I still do. However, to have a sense of desire for what someone else has all while being happy and supportive of them is another thing. Something I am obviously aware of but I have really reinforced this with myself this year is that everyone else’s life does not revolve around me (it’s shocking, I know). I believe I should have value in myself and have healthy boundaries in which hopefully people will consider my feelings and ideas too.

People are not always who they seem to be and they might in fact actually surprise you.

To this day, as much as I say I do not have expectations of what someone will be like, I still feel like I have this sort of idea of who they will be. This method of thinking not only can damage your actual perspective of someone, but it can also cloud your judgement when you actually get to know them. I spent a large majority of time believing that a specific person had little to no empathy and that the same person did not care about me. It’s ironic that at the end of the day, they have become very empathetic and caring, and I realized after it was too late that maybe they really did care about me after all. My wrongful judgement caused by past pain of who this person was clouded my perspective of who this person actually was…I mean, who this person is.

There are people who will end up becoming all that you thought they would never be. This all goes back to my first point: Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen. I’ve learned that there are always two sides to every story. You may believe the things people tell you about someone, only to find that perhaps, just maybe, they might not be telling the full truth. I’ve worked to gain new perceptions on mostly everything in my life. This does not only include places, things, and experiences, but this also pertains to people.

I’ve also learned that people might actually be who they say they are. There are times that even the most love you give someone  cannot be a reason for them to change. If you are a “fixer” type of person, this is for you. There are some people who are broken, who are actively seeking out the healing tools and sometimes they just simply don't exist. It’s been one thing that I've struggled to accept myself personally.

Getting revenge on someone who wronged you usually ends up making the pain worse.

This year I’ve grown a lot in the topic of revenge. I almost feel like I’ve forgotten that word exists in my vocabulary because I don’t even think about it. I truthfully am thankful for all of those people who have entered and some who have exited my life. I could only wish those people nothing but the best. From someone who sometimes feels like they are currently living their karma, I know that sometimes people might hurt you due to their own reflection of the pain they feel within themselves. I can attest to this because at one point this person was…me.

I have found much more grace for other people throughout this year. I believe in having grace for other people. To hold anger or resentment towards someone else is only a waste of your own energy. 

Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and that’s okay.

I am not quite sure we are human if we did not allow our emotions to get the best of us every once in a while. Deep inside, most of us are actually sensitive, but some people mask it better than others. I used to be the person who felt numb to the world, could not cry or feel really much of anything to be honest. It’s ironic, because I came to become one of the most sensitive people I know.

Of course I have my own insecurities. I could list every one of them out but that’s a whole blog and a half in itself. People say things that hurt, I react poorly sometimes. I do not believe that self-internal pain is an excuse to be malicious and hurtful to someone else.  I do believe that we have to accept that our reactions or defensiveness we feel if we think subconsciously we are being attacked might suck sometimes.

We are human and we are not perfect. Not everyone can understand our own pain, in fact, I think a lot of us cannot even understand it ourselves. It’s not something I’ve become a professional at by any means.. I still get angry or defensive at times, but I’m doing my absolute best to refrain from throwing insults back at those who hurt me. It’s definitely one of the bigger struggles I have to work on within myself but I know one day I’ll get there.

I have had many things on my mind lately. My life seems to be kind of messy and confusing at times and I most of the time have no clue how to navigate it. I do believe a couple other significant lessons I’ve learned throughout my self-discovery journey include: everything in life happens for a reason at the time it’s meant to happen. The only person who has the power to make your own life better is you. You have to take the first step to reach your goals which is recognizing the desire to be more or to have better than where you are. I still remind myself every day to trust the process and be patient and to look at my sticker I always refer to that says “what’s coming is better than what’s gone.”

Thank you for reading and have a blessed day.