Living Our Life in a Glass House: My Thoughts on Life Through the Lockdown

Hello all, it’s been a minute since I have decided to write about something. I’ve been kind of taking a mental reset in my writing. I feel like I have struggled with writer’s block since I have started this blog, and it only gets worse because I always feel like I am at a loss of ideas. I want to eventually revamp my blog and find some new ideas. I just have felt very passionate, yet frustrated lately about all of this controversy going on with COVID 19 and the lockdowns. I am usually not one to get political on my blog, and this is no different. I do not want to discuss my political views here. This is about my loss of faith in humanity, how insensitive people have become from the comfort of their own couch, and how a lot of people are all of a sudden experts in all things without any educational background in that, and the rest of the world knows nothing.

*My disclaimer here is that I am not trying to push my views on you. While I believe in my opinions, I am not here to argue with anyone. If you have differing views, I will respect you and I want you to respect each and everyone’s own personal views.*

I’ve always been kind of the black sheep, the type of person who walks to the beat of my own drum throughout my life. I don’t associate my interests, my profession, or even the fact that I am a female with the “normal” views that people are thought to have. I like to combine facts along with the arguments of opposing sides, to create a solid viewpoint, one where 95% of the time I find myself seeing both sides. I am also not one to stand back and ignore all of these people, who make outrageous, bold, and extremely insensitive statements about things they absolutely know nothing about. Yes, I know I probably should a lot of times but after a while, it becomes very frustrating. I also cannot seem to grasp how someone with no experience in a certain area is all of a sudden an expert in that topic within about two hours but apparently, they are.

I just find that I have seen throughout this entire pandemic, the ugly side of people has come out.  While I understand emotions and anxiety are at their highest throughout all of this, it does not give ANYONE a right or reason to make insensitive, mentally damaging statements to others because you disagree with their views. I’ve been called selfish, insensitive, stupid, a bad nurse, reckless, and the list goes on. I have been criticized several times regarding the fact that my views do not reflect what “they should be” because of either my profession, my race, or my gender. In my opinion, these are pretty bold, insensitive, and stereo-typical statements to make.

You know, I will tell you what think is insensitive. It is insensitive, yet ignorant to think that we are all in the same boat here. We might sail the same ocean, but we all have a different boat. Some are made of wood, some are made of steel, some are made of aluminum, but regardless of this terrible  metaphor I tried to create, we are not all constructed the same. Emotions are high, depression rates are increasing, suicide rates are going to increase. People are lonely. People were lonely before, but imagine being alone in your thoughts with your own dangerous mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and being told that you cannot return to work, see your family, go to your AA meetings that you rely on to keep you sober, go to church to give you some type of hope and faith that this will end one day. There are thousands of scenarios that I could list but this is just one of the many.

While it is  deemed “selfish” to go out and potentially infect everyone and their brother, it is just as selfish to sit on your couch and undermine those who are struggling mentally, financially, physically, and/or even emotionally. I’ve seen so many people talking about “well, this and that are not essential.” It seems like everyone is able to decide what is essential and what is not. Those same people, casting judgement on those “non-essential” things people have to go out in public to get, tend to forget that buying stuff on Amazon could be deemed “non-essential.” Truck drivers have to deliver the packages, the distribution center has to have employees to get that package to the right location, in order for it to be shipped to you. It is frustrating to see people who live in these glass houses, casting judgement on everyone else without ever taking a look at their own flawed behavior they do on a daily basis too. People spend hours of their lives judging and questioning those who live a different life than they do and I cannot understand why. If we all lived the same exact life, believed the same thing, did the same things, we might as well be robots. To be different is to be unique, one of a kind. We make wise choices, we make bad choices, but it is the combination of good and bad that unite to shape us into the different people that we are.

I have also seen so many people saying things about healthcare workers protesting unsafe working conditions with no PPE. I am very blessed because I work for an amazing organization with amazing leadership throughout the entire hospital. They put our safety as a priority, ensuring we had PPE and I am so thankful for that. It just has been frustrating to see people who have no experience in the medical field saying things like “this is what they signed up for. If it was me I would never do…” Excuse me, would you send a fireman into a burning building without proper gear? Would you send a military soldier to battle with a squirt gun? Have these people ever stopped to think about how life might be in their shoes? Well, if it was me, I would never pretend that I know 100% what is going on in someone’s life, and I would respect their decisions. Someone might be afraid of getting this virus and giving it to their elderly or immunocompromised family member. Until we are in their situation, how can we make bold judgements about them? I don’t have to agree with everything people do, but it is not my place to make comments undermining people for their decisions because I am not them, and I do not fully know the circumstances of stress that they are under.

People deal with stress differently. We all have a different biological, and environmental factors that have altered our personal make-up. We all go home at the end of the day to different struggles. Regardless, a lot of people struggle silently and are afraid to speak out. You are part of the problem if you sit back and think that everyone needs to do things one way and every other way is just ineffective. While I am sure that a struggling alcoholic might say that he or she wishes they would have done things differently, things happen and we can only take these good and bad experiences and move forward. Keep in mind, while you might live life on a golden throne, not everyone was gifted the same luxuries.  

Onto my next point of this soap box, another thing throughout this pandemic that has been shown more clearly is that a lot of people have little to no self-awareness. To those who bought out all of the food and toilet paper in a store when this started, leaving little to nothing for anyone else, this is for you. For those of you who take up an entire aisle at the store, allowing for no one to pass by, to those who drive extremely slow and hold up a line of cars in the left lane, and to those of you who take 17 years to check out at Walmart, while you see a person with two items behind you who clearly could move through the line faster, this is also for you. Ok, you get the point. While I am sure that you and your family are the main focus in your life, other people have to eat too. Other people have to use the restroom as well. Those sweet little elderly people, who don’t need to be out, should be able to get some toilet paper, bread, and milk without having to fight a 30 year old, healthy person for the last loaf of bread. This is about being a decent person, and using that practice we all learned in preschool, “sharing is caring.” Share with others and be mindful that while you might be scared, I bet you are not the only person who has been living in fear for the last 6-8 weeks.

The thing throughout this pandemic that I have noticed is that so many people have this “me me me” mentality. Yes, I am sorry that your vacation is cancelled. I know you were excited and you worked very hard to go on that much-needed, hard-earned vacation. I am sorry that your kids cannot do this or that because of COVID, when they live a great life otherwise in general. I just feel like people have spent more time focused on their losses rather than being mindful that everyone here has lost something, whether that be big or small. Imagine those high school seniors who have worked hard, and have spent the great majority of their cognitive life with these classmates that they may never see again. They are missing their prom, their class trips, the last season in spring sports, and especially their graduation. I also feel bad for college seniors who are unable to have a graduation, especially after their hard work. There are also school aged kids who worry during the summer about not getting fed meals and now, those kids are out of school for more time, worrying about eating and living for the time being.

There are people who are unable to get unemployment, having to choose to pay rent or put food on the table because there is not enough money for both. There are those people who have worked hard, and have put their blood, sweat, and tears into their businesses, only to spend this time worrying that they may never re-open. I saw a comment yesterday of someone saying “businesses close, and sometimes that’s life.” It just made my stomach turn because in reality, it would sound so cynical for me to say “people die, and sometimes that’s life.” How different are the statements? I mean, I can have my own opinion on this, but in reality, how is it right to say that one is more important to someone else? Yes, human lives are important, and the economy is important, but while the virus  can claim lives, so can poverty, so can losing hope from losing all that you have spent your life working for, leading you into severe depression, and eventually leading you to take your own life. Who are we to say that one party is being selfish here? The selfish ones are those who refuse to see each other’s side here, and saying cruel, terrible things to the opposing side. I see that your loved ones are the most important to you, and I absolutely respect and commend you for that. I also see that this other person might value their business, feeding their family, paying their bills too, and I respect and commend them for that as well.

This whole concept of self-awareness is focused on the whole “life is not always all about you” aspect that I bet most of us heard our parents tell us as children. People need to be aware that there are other people around you. It is important to be mindful of others. Have your spouse stay home with the children if he/she can, while you go out and get some groceries that way less people are in the store, allowing one person from another family to get their groceries too. We do not have to get into the “well, what about single parents?” thing because use common sense, a single parent who is unable to have someone watch their child so they can grocery shop cannot leave their child in the car and must bring them into the store, which is understandable. It is as simple as that. It is also about those who are sick, be mindful, stay home, and don’t go out and infect everyone else. This is about those who make decisions with only themselves in mind, ignoring the fact that they are not the only people living on this planet.

Throughout this pandemic, and throughout life in general, it is extremely important to be MINDFUL of others, I wanted to repeat that because I cannot stress this enough. I feel like I went on a soap box here but these are things that have been eating me alive for the last two months. While I myself am not perfect, I have not made the best decisions for every decision I have been faced with, I am flawed. I can say confidently, I am proud of the person I am, and to those who blatantly judge others without being mindful of their struggles, can they say the same? I am proud that I have always been very passionate about things, especially things that affect others because my life isn’t about me. In fact, if it was, I see no reason to be here, taking the air that someone else could be breathing, taking up space for someone else. This is about the world around us. This is about all of those who are struggling in silence, this is about those who are feeling down, this is about those who are unable to defend themselves. I believe that those who are open to multiple suggestions can be such a help for those who feel too timid to speak up for their side, in fear of being invalidated. All I ask is that before you leave the house to buy out all of a product so you don’t run out, or before you make a very mean, insensitive comment to someone else whether that be in person or on the internet, I want you to ask yourself these questions: “Do I really need to do that?” “Can I buy two packs of chicken or two packs of toilet paper instead of 10?” “Can I help an elderly person by doing grocery shopping for them and delivering it to their porch instead of buying it all and leaving them vulnerable to exposure?” “Have I ever tried finding ways to cope with my pain and stress, some not always so constructive?” “How can I make someone feel like they are valid too, even if I disagree with them for living differently than me?” “Is it really my job to judge what others are doing, or is it my job to be more empathetic to the struggles of other people?”

While I have spent time discussing the things that I have seen that have made me frustrated, I would like to thank all of those who have shown the world a little more kindness. Thank you for showing your true compassion and thanks to healthcare workers throughout this. Thank you for helping those in need. If you are one of these people, you make a genuine difference. Thank you for reading, I know this is long. Please stay safe, stay well, and keep your head up throughout this struggle.

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