Everything Is Exactly As It Should Be
“Trust that you are supported by the universe and everything is working in your favor. Find stillness. Look for magic. And wait for the answers to come to you.”-Elizabeth Sin
I decided today to take a look at my “Empowering Questions” deck of cards in order to see if the questions were relatable to some of the thoughts and feelings I’ve been experiencing lately. I found a few that I wanted to save for a blog I will write one day, however I chose this particular one because it’s been a common core theme in my self-discovery journey. The question asks:
“What if everything is as it should be? How would that make me feel?”
My first actual deep thought post was one about accepting myself and accepting the life path I took because in the end, everything happens for a reason. I started my blog a little over two years ago. I love to reflect on the things I’ve written about because I love to remember those milestones. I also love to see how far I’ve come in my growth and healing process.
I know for myself personally, I get side-tracked from my growth progress and find myself regressing back to my old habits. I often wonder if a lot of people do this. I mean, we are all human. Rewiring our entire thought process and mindset isn’t something that can be fully done overnight. I know for a fact that it sure isn’t easy.
I find myself telling other people to “trust the universe.” I often compare living life to sailing in the ocean. I tell myself to just “float in my sailboat, and allow the wind, and the waves take me to where I belong.” I’ve had people tell me “you have to fight for what you want in life” in response to my explanation of my sailboat metaphor. I believe there is a difference between working hard to pursue goals that make you a better version of yourself versus working hard to control the outcomes of your life that are not able to be controlled.
I came up with my sailboat metaphor in response a couple of things I was feeling at that particular time in my life. I’ve realized that when I’ve attempted to over-control the outcomes of a situation, it does not always result in the best outcome. This relates to everything in life whether that be falling in love, seeking the validation from others, or even choosing your life path. Bottom line, I knew I had to let go of that need to have control over everything and allow things to play out according to the way they are supposed to. It’s almost as if when I tried to force something, it always worked out in the opposite way I wanted it to.
I had such big dreams, and a lot of hope that all of my dreams would come true. I did however take a different path than I originally thought I’d take. I am very grateful for said path, but that same path that has led me to where I am today was accompanied by a lot of disappointment along the way. As a child and teenager, I was always the one to get excited about the small things. It was very hard to cope with as a feeler, since I could feel the negative emotions from people around me. This really took away my excitement and optimism about a lot of things growing up.
People have described me as being a “sponge” per say. Not only do I absorb information and catch on to things quickly, I also absorb the feelings of other people very easily. After so much time of being around negative energy, it can become a part of you. The projection of other people’s negativity throughout my youth really made its way into my life as an adult. I would describe myself as being a “fun-sucker.” I just drained any sort of happiness and fun out of everything, not only for myself, but for those close to me.
After having my own parade rained out many times throughout my life, I eventually became the rain. I found myself afraid to get excited about anything, afraid to get attached to anyone, anywhere, or anything, and I just started to become numb any sort of excitement.
Throughout my self-discovery journey, I’ve gotten a much better understanding of attachment, and my own attachment issues I’ve struggled with all of my life. I find myself attached to people who are toxic to my well-being, attached to places in which I know I don’t belong, and attached to things that are only going to bring me disappointment. I did spend a lot of time reflecting on the fact that I found myself getting overly attached or I wouldn’t get attached at all. It was almost of 0-100 type of attachment, and one that was holding me back from fully embracing the blessings life has to offer.
To live a life that the days mainly consists of rain, with very few days of sunshine is no life to live at all. It’s dark. It’s depressing. The worst part of it all is that I eventually became used to this feeling, this feeling of being numb. It almost felt…normal. I felt hopeless at times because I had this fear that the best time of my life had passed and I had missed my opportunity to be happy. I’d ask myself: was I going to feel empty for the rest of my life? I went years dreading things that make most people happy. It was almost like whenever I would get finally excited for something, I’d find myself disappointed…almost every single time.
I’ve grown a lot in understanding my attachment issues and working towards healing those as I move forward. I have learned to approach new experiences with little to no expectations, and to move forward with a positive, optimistic approach. I have yet to feel disappointed since I’ve adapted this mindset because to be honest, I realize how much my expectations have ruined many things in my life. To be open-minded is the first step to adapting this mindset and it’s one I am still working on as I navigate through my journey.
I can go places now without being heartbroken to leave. I can accept that some people are not meant to be a part of my life forever, and might only be present for a certain period of time. I realize I have to let go of these extravagant ideas of what my life should look like and accept my life as it is. Lastly, I have had to accept that I have to let go of things (especially anything that dulls my sparkle inside my unicorn soul) to make room for something better. Like the sticker on my MacBook reads: “what’s coming is better than what’s gone.”
I’ve been very open and honest with my readers that this year has brought me a lot of pain, but this year has also brought me a lot of potential. I’ve been to places in my growth that I once never knew existed. I’ve met new people, experienced new places, and have gotten new things that I never even knew I needed.
A hard pill I had to swallow is the one that says the things that happened this year all happened for a reason. I’ve had to accept that I am exactly where I need to be and sometimes it’s hard. It’s even harder to accept when you are the one personally responsible for your own pain.
This is where my “sailboat energy” has presented itself in my life. I have to remind myself to channel my “sailboat energy” on those days that I am begging someone to simply love and understand me, on the days that I am being too critical on myself, on the days I am overly seeking validation, and even on the days that I am trying to overly-control things in my life that I truly have no control over.
What I have learned is that although I can work hard to accomplish my goals, I cannot fully control every single outcome that will happen throughout my life. I have to accept that there will be times throughout my journey that are simply just a rough storm that I’ve come across, meant to teach me lessons I may or may not even know I need at that time. I have to accept that not everything in my life is permanent, and that sometimes I have to let go of something good to make room for something better. I cannot force the things that do not belong. So, that’s what I am working hard to do: to float in my sailboat, and allow the wind and the waves to guide me to where I belong.
It is as it should be. I am where I belong. I am planted exactly where I am meant to bloom.
The truth is that everything in life is exactly as it was meant to be. To accept the path you were guided to take is one difficult step, but to actually walk the path you are on takes a lot of courage. It takes strength to bloom where you are planted. It’s hard to do, and each day I am working hard to move closer to fully embracing my “sailboat energy.”
I am still a definite work-in-progress type of person and I truthfully would not trade that for anything. In fact, I have grown to have this gratitude for all of the things that I’ve experienced this year, especially on the days I wanted to lie in bed feeling sorry for myself, or on the days I would drink myself into an alcoholic coma to force myself to feel all of the feels. The bottom line I have to accept is that it is what it is. This is the life I am meant to live and I have to accept it, put my best foot forward, and make the best out of those opportunities I am given. Of course I will take things for granted, I will make mistakes, and I will regress in my growth. I’m human. However, I know that throughout my self-discovery journey, I will find the things I am searching for and I will heal my soul in those times that I feel as if I am causing more harm than good.
It won’t get better overnight. It takes a lot of time, and each and every single day I have to recenter myself back to my soul and my main goals I have. I guess you can say I am rolling with the punches. I plan to continue writing and sharing my experiences with my readers because I know for me, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one struggling through my own growth. Thank you so much for reading and have a blessed day.
